People keep asking me how I'm doing. "Fine, OK, alright, good, hanging in there," I say. And I am all of those things. What I don't say is, "I feel guilty." How can I live my life as though everything is normal when Miriam and Eric have had someone so precious torn from their life? How can I ask my kids to be quiet so I can read (a Harry Potter book for the 5th or so time) instead of making the most of every minute I'm blessed to have them here with me? How can I want to laugh when I hear Sasha insisting that Jordan and/or "Tiny Baby" have to pretend to be sick and die and Jordan protesting that he doesn't want to play that when I was, am, and will continue to be devastated by the death of my tiny niece and know that they miss her too?
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Dear Hailey, I will never forget the day your mother told me she was pregnant with you. When she asked me to take a walk with her I knew what she was going to say. I felt joy that our family was going to be blessed with another baby, but I knew that your mom and dad would have a hard road ahead of them. I never could have imagined just how hard it would be.
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From last Monday when I saw how ill my 18-month-old niece Hailey was, to Thursday when she was diagnosed with leukemia, to tonight when we received the news that the cancer hasn't spread to her spinal fluid, I've gone through a wide range of emotions. Some of them were expected - gut-wrenching fear, helplessness, grief, thankfulness after today's news. Others were unexpected.
Read MoreJordan's friend Mya came over after school yesterday. Jordan was so excited all weekend about it. Yesterday morning he came down for breakfast wearing a WI Badger sweatshirt. He informed me that he wore that shirt to Mya's when he went there to play, and she loves Bucky Badger and she chased him around all day, so he thought she would chase him around all day that day too. Then he said, "I'm going to stand by Mya in line, and I'm going to sit by Mya on the bus. That's my plan for the day." After breakfast he made me go upstairs with him to see how perfectly he'd made his bed and laid out his pajamas (which he never does) so that his room would be nice when Mya came over. There was a lot of talking and giggling and running around yesterday afternoon. When they finally sat down to color, I overheard Jordan telling Mya that God says you have to love everyone, and that means that he has to love her too.
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