September is, increasingly for us, a month of changes. As the seasons shift from summer to fall, the days, and especially the nights, are cooler. It's getting dark earlier. The kids have gone back to school. Karlye's mom moved so Karlye is attending 6th grade at a new school, in a new city, in a new state. Jordan started 5th grade at the local intermediate school. Sasha's still at the elementary school here in town, but first grade brings a new classroom, new teacher and new classmates. So far the kids are enjoying school and coping with the early mornings and more structured schedule just fine. I'm not loving the whole "waking up to an alarm clock again" deal, but I guess I don't really have a choice.
Read MorePeople keep asking me how I'm doing. "Fine, OK, alright, good, hanging in there," I say. And I am all of those things. What I don't say is, "I feel guilty." How can I live my life as though everything is normal when Miriam and Eric have had someone so precious torn from their life? How can I ask my kids to be quiet so I can read (a Harry Potter book for the 5th or so time) instead of making the most of every minute I'm blessed to have them here with me? How can I want to laugh when I hear Sasha insisting that Jordan and/or "Tiny Baby" have to pretend to be sick and die and Jordan protesting that he doesn't want to play that when I was, am, and will continue to be devastated by the death of my tiny niece and know that they miss her too?
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Dear Hailey, I will never forget the day your mother told me she was pregnant with you. When she asked me to take a walk with her I knew what she was going to say. I felt joy that our family was going to be blessed with another baby, but I knew that your mom and dad would have a hard road ahead of them. I never could have imagined just how hard it would be.
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