Insomnia

Here it is, 3:42 AM and I'm awake. Again. Still. Not sure how long I've been awake. I try not to look at the clock, but eventually I give in. I'm guessing 2, 3 hours. Tonight I woke up with a jerk from some dream. Don't remember much about it except that it made me nervous. Anxious when I was asleep, now I'm too anxious to drift back. Tried to empty my mind, relax my body, think about something else. My eyes kept popping open, and I couldn't slow my breathing. So here I am.

Feel sorry for the kids. Mom will be a witch tomorrow. The thought of waking up and staying awake for hours almost half the nights of the rest of my life is daunting. Not sure how I came to this, or what I can do to fix it. Tomorrow, or later today I guess, I will stumble around in a fog. Wondering why I'm so exhausted until I remember the hours I spent fighting to go back to sleep. Then I'll do it all over again tomorrow night or the next night or the next. It's been like this for a year, maybe two, or three? I think I slept most of the night every night for a week back in July. That was nice.

I should take the time to do some research, come up with a plan, but I can't seem to motivate myself. Justin said, "What's wrong with you? You should go to the doctor." But what can the doctor do? He and I both know I have anxiety issues. He suggests daily exercise, join a yoga class, go for a walk. I try, but I'm not a stick to it, make yourself do it kind of person. And I'm really not a fan of prescription drugs either. So here I am. Stuck. 4:03 in the morning.