Ewww

I am officially the most disgusting person on earth. First off, for reasons I will not go into detail about, I had to have a sigmoidoscopy yesterday. For those unfamiliar with the procedure (and for your sake, I hope that includes all of you), it basically entails having a (very small) camera shoved up your backside, completely un-anesthetized. They say you will experience no pain or perhaps mild cramping. In truth, it felt like I was having a pipe jammed into my stomach. Also, the procedure was supposed to take 10 minutes and took at least twice that long. During those 20 minutes I was continually asked if I was OK, as if that was really an option, or they would stop if I said no. Is anyone who is crying silently and whimpering and cringing continually likely to be "OK"? I think not.

Anyway, they did not find the source of my problem, and I now have the added joy of having to wait 5 days to find out if I have a tendency to produce cancerous cells in my colon. If I do, I am sure this will necessitate frequent use of this procedure to "keep an eye on things". By the way, this procedure is routinely performed on all patients over the age of 50 every 5 years, just so you guys know what you have to look forward to.

As if that whole trauma weren't enough, ever since Sunday I have been virtually unable to swallow because of the severe pain in my throat, which apparently is also affecting my ears. After they were done with the butt-cam, I had the doctor look at my throat. He said it looked viral and there wasn't really anything he could do. Then, this morning I wake up and my left eye is completely crusted shut. So I called into work for the third day in a row, and then called the doctor. When he looked at my eye, he said it looked viral and asked me if I'd had a sore throat lately. Apparently the virus has somehow traveled from my throat to my eye, which has turned pink, itchy and stingy, and full of gunk. I can't wear my contacts until it clears up (which should "only" take about 7 days), which has necessitated the purchase of new glasses as my old ones are like 3 prescriptions ago, and there is no way I could stand to wear them for another day. I only hope and pray that Jordan doesn't catch this nasty stuff but that seems unlikely, especially since my sister has the same thing, and I am way closer to Jordan physically than to my sister. Why does everything always have to happen to me?

On a happier note, I also had to take Jordan in to the doctor for his 6 month check up today, and he is doing great, so I'm happy about that. Although apparently he has fluid in his ears and is on the verge of an ear infection. Blah. I just don't know if I can take this anymore. I have been to the doctor 4 times since last week. I might as well just be hospitalized and put under until I feel better.